By Myself With You
by Trinity Destler
Summary: Life sucks, love stinks and there’s no way to change it. [SetoJoey JoeyMai]
1. What They Say About Wanting

_By Myself With You_

Joey Wheeler trailed his hand along the sleek side of Mai's convertible, harsh winds tossing messy golden-brown hair around his face, eyes hard and narrowed in thought. He'd spent so long trying to get to this moment, alone with Mai, on what she called 'a test drive date'; he was supposed to be thrilled, he was supposed to be giving his all to impress her... But he found himself miles away from the cool evening air and the twinkling stars overhead as the car zoomed down older, back roads; far away from the gorgeous blond bombshell sitting barely inches away.

All this time, he'd tried his hardest to show Mai that there was more to him than she gave him credit for, he knew he'd finally gotten through to her- inside her thick, worldly skin. She had a newfound respect for him, for his guts, for his dueling skills, for the heart that was big enough to hold the whole world. He'd given everything he had to save her from the Shadow Realm, it didn't matter that he couldn't do it- it was that he'd risked his life trying.

"_Hey..." a cocky, confident voice that had no doubt uttered countless sultry whispers in a multitude of ears; now slightly humbled and at least trying to be sincere. "I, uh... I wanted to talk to you."_

"_So talk..." He wouldn't let himself lose his cool now, not when she was looking at him as if he had half a chance... She knew how he felt, it was pretty obvious after the little 'joke' she played on him after Battle City. Stupid bitch, making him go all gushy thinking she wasn't going to wake up... Joey had to laugh inside; thinking back on it, it almost_ was _funny- almost._

_Mai's hands slid into her pockets, a marvel in itself considering the tightness of the jeans she was wearing, "I guess I wanted to tell you that maybe... Look," the cockiness was making a brief reappearence, "This isn't easy for me to say- okay? So don't-"_

_Joey turned to fully face her, giving her a long, lingering glance with nothing but seriousness and pure emotion in his honey eyes, "I didn't say anything, Mai, you don't gotta attack me first outa self-defence. I swear I'm not holding back the big guns for when you're vunerable." He let a small grin curve one side of his mouth, cocking his head to the side to observe the older woman's reaction._

_Mai _blushed! _That had to be a sign of something...the apocolypse, or something._

"_Sorry, Joey," Mai smiled, it would be a stretch to call it sheepish, but it was approaching something of a similar persuasion, "I'm just not used to trying to be sentimental and all that bullshit... Not that it's always bullshit..." She shook her head, laughing a little at herself, a soft, tinkling laugh that made Joey shiver just a bit. "I'm really not good at this, am I?"_

_He shrugged, turning to stare out at nothing and lean against the fence seperating the parking lot they stood in from the next lot. "I'm not so hot at it myself."_

"_Unless you really mean it, right?" Mai smiled a true smile, pretty hazel eyes sparkling, "I've seen enough of you and your friends under pressure to hear when you mean it, Joey, and I think it's kinda... sweet."_

_Joey grinned, glad he was looking away from her at that moment, afriad of blowing the semi-seriousness of the mood, "What did you come here to say, Mai?"_

_She leaned against the fence next to him, laying a hand over his, though she didn't look at him. Sighing, she finally let it out, "Just that... I guess I was wrong about you. About a lot of things... I've learned a lot from Yugi, Joey, but I'm trying to tell you now, I've learned from you to. That's all."_

"_Great, that just leaves Kaiba thinking I'm dumber than a dog." Joey blew his bangs out of his eyes with a long-suffering sigh._

_Mai laughed again, "He doesn't really think that, Joey, he just says it so he doesn't have to admit he was wrong. He'd have to be 'dumber than a dog' to still think there's nothing to you."_

"_I'm going to take that as a compliment..."_

"_It is... Hey, since they're all in having dinner still... You want to go for a drive?"_

Why was it at the best moment in his life- to date- he wasn't the least bit happy or satisfied? He felt no sense of accomplishment, or fufillment, or of getting anything... It was almost as if this _wasn't _what he'd been striving towards for months. If his old goals and fantasies were anything like reality than this should be better than anything else; even the feeling of getting to the top of two major tournements; even the feeling of getting that money to help Serenity... It didnt matter that Yugi had won, he'd always known somewhere inside his jumbled head that Yugi would.

There was a lot more _to _Yugi than anyone gave him credit for... But that wasn't what he was thinking about. He'd given everything he had to _that _duel, too, and he'd come so far- He remembered the way his best friend had brushed away his tears as he delivered his killing blow, he'd shoved his emotions to the backburner and done what he needed to do. Joey could never understand how he'd done it. He _always _felt and nothing could ever block it out- no duel, no purpose, no fear.

Not even Mai.

She was leaning back in the driver's seat, feminine hands clutching the wheel as she wailed around a turn; she drove like she ought to be commited... but Joey barely noticed. Her driving, her outer shirt flapping in the wind to reveal a skin-tight tank-top underneath, her smoldering eyes... All of it was gone the moment he turned his head. All that was real was the screaming of the wind passed his ears, the way his hair whipped into his face, and the crisp smell of the air.

_That _was real. He had to keep telling himself that so he wouldn't fall into his own mind so far he'd never get out again.

"You know, you've never been this quiet before- ever." Mai shouted over the sound of the wind as they swerved to avoid an oncoming car- the first they'd seen on these deserted back roads.

Joey stared at the scenery rushing passed him in a green-black blur, his eyes dull and unfocused, "I've never thought about something for this long before." He said, voice barely loud enough to be heard and obviously distracted.

"What are you thinking about?" She pulled the car over, coming to a very abrupt halt and silencing the deafening wind.

He missed it, at least it kept him alert. The way she'd asked the question seemed to resonate in his ears, as if she could tell that it was something she didn't really want to hear... Something deathly serious that could very well affect every one of Joey's friends- and her. Whatever she was to him now.

"Stuff..." He dragged his fingers through his hair, which was now impossibly tangled, looking over the field they were parked next to, "Just about the things that happened to us..."

Mai nodded in understanding, "It's all a lot to take in isn't it?"

_Yeah, sure it is, too bad I'm not really trying to wrap my head around it- I'm gonna regret it later. Yeah, too bad... _Joey shook his head in a non-commital gesture. It wasn't past events that swirled around endlessly in the honey-gold depths of his eyes- it was one face, one voice, one asshole. _Damn you Kaiba, you bastard, why are you bugging me _now _when I'm finally on a date with the girl I've been dreaming about since I met her? Me, a friggin' seventeen year-old with a twenty-five year-old that could get anyone she wanted and I'm thinking about _you!

"Joey?" She put a concerned hand on his shoulder, brow furrowing when he didn't response, to the call or the touch. Wasn't this the same guy that fell all over himself whenever she so much as glanced his way? She was so confused by him, all the time she'd known him he'd come across as a few socks short of a full load, clumsy, dim-witted, dorky and misguided- though big-hearted. Then this night when she decided she had to own up to how much he'd seemed to grow- he'd been distant and mature... practically aloof. Constantly lost in thought...

_Who are you and what have you done with Joey? _She bit her lip, studying the little sliver of his face she could see. It wasn't helping. _Why do you have to go cold the second I start to figure out maybe you're not so dense after all and see what I've been missing? When you've had all you ever wanted... it's hard to watch you ignore me when I give in my pride! Talk to me!_

"Joey, what's wrong with you tonight?" her tone had gained an edge of bitterness, feint, but making itself heard enough to draw him out of his thoughts.

"It's just that... Mai, it took a lot for you to give me any respect- how much do you think it would take for someone who thinks even worse of me than you did?" His eyes were searching, seeking answers from hers as she returned his steady gaze. He seemed so much stronger than she remembered...

_Less, _he brain corrected silently, her mouth twitching to do so outloud. But she wouldn't do that to him at a moment like this when he needed to badly to know that she still thought of him as an equel. "You mean Kaiba, don't you." _As if it isn't totally obvious- who else has less respect for Joey than me?_

He looked away, "Yeah..."

"There's no telling what it'll take, Joey, you're only going to find out by trying." She looking down at her nails, buffing the ruby-red polish as she continued, her voice dropping to almost a whisper as she allowed some tenderness to escape, "Why do you let him get to you?"

"Same reason you did, I guess... I don't like that he looks down on me, he doesn't even know me!" Joey picked rather violently at his cuff, "If he'd just open his goddamn eyes for one second he'd see that I'm not a dog- that I'm one of the best duelists in the world, that I deserve some friggin' _respect!_"

Mai sighed, "Yeah... but he's too stubborn to do it." She grabbed his hand again to stop his fidgeting, "Why don't you just let it go- he'll stop trying to get you mad if you stop rising to the bait."

"I can't let go of my dignity, Mai..." He smiled tiredly, "I've never had much, but I got that."

"I guess you do."

The drive back was silent, but the silence was comfortable. Mai felt like she'd learned something- she wasn't really certain what she'd learned, but the knowledge comforted her and calmed her nerves. She no longer wondered why Joey was suddenly less than thrilled with her invitation; she just accepted it. It seemed natural now, for whatever reason. He'd explained nothing at all- but at the same time, had told her everything.

Joey's thoughts hadn't settled. _There, are you happy you asshole? She thinks I'm obsessed with your opinion on everything, now... I bet it's your fault I don't care, too. I don't know how you did it, but somehow it's your fault._

_(A/N: Part Two of this One-Shot coming soon. It's rather five in the morning right now and I figure I ought to go to bed. I didn't write in Joey's accent, partly for clarity and partly because it doesn't feel like it belongs in a serious moment. The trascription that is, not the accent, itself. Also, any inaccuracies I appologize for in advance; I haven't seen even all of the dub... So that's sad for me. Certain references came from the Japanese anime, which I've only seen in Japanese- and I don't speak Japanese. Again, be gentle.)_


	2. It's Just Not Fair

By Myself With You Again

**_What if_**

_**What if**_

_**Oh, boy…**_

_**What if I just don't love you anyway**_

_**What if in another day**_

_**It will all be blown away**_

_**And all I'll have is memories**_

_**Of what we never really had**_

_**Would it be that bad**_

_**Or would the music drown my cries**_

You know I consider myself infinitely cool simply by virtue of listening to rock and roll. I know everyone's listening to it now, thinking they're somebody when really they're just copying the dude that sits next to them maybe once a Thursday in maths. Nobody seems legit anymore.

No, I think I'm cool because I listened to it when it wasn't _cool _to listen to it. See?

I's just thinking that, you know maybe, maybe that's what happened with Mai. When I couldn't have her she was this amazing culture shock bombshell, Lady Stardust, Marianne Faithful kinda of goddess that I knew I could never, ever even blithely consider thinking about touching. Yeah, I know the word blithe. Don't you? What I mean to say is… What if once she seemed like a person after all and someone that maybe I could reach out and touch… maybe she wasn't so great because having is never so pleasing a thing as wanting and all that crap you read in fortune cookies. Maybe.

Probably not.

People like Mai… well, there is no 'people like Mai', there's _Mai _and that's the total package. She is completely and totally herself and absolutely no suggestions will be at all heeded. She likes herself, or she likes to pretend that she does. I may be stupid, but I like to think maybe I see something in people that most people don't get; something that's kinda deep and meaningful, but that they didn't really mean for you to know about. Like Mai and her self-conscious need to be the best at everything; the best duelist, the best looking, the best. She thinks that somehow she can 'win' the game of life.

I hate to break it to her, but in life there ain't no winners. She opens up, she gets hurt. She decides maybe I'm worth letting a little go for and I throw it back in her face. Life sucks, love stinks and there's no way to change it.

.:;,.

They went back to the restaurant. The affectionately named nerd gang was still inside, probably trying to convince Tristan that he _would _eat again after they left. Joey figured, anyway.

Mai leaned against her sporty convertible, long legs crossed at the ankle, showing off her ridiculous high heels and the close cut of her shorts. Joey was staring at miles of milky pale flesh her clothing left uncovered, but his gaze was thoughtful and probing and so unsexual it boggled the mind. Mai was a notoriously beautiful woman, but his eyes were gentle and still off in dream world.

She was smoking a cigarette. A long slim tube of alabaster white resting scintillatingly between ruby red, painted lips, the end a tiny pin prick of glowing red ember in the near-darkness of the parking lot. Smoke curled over those lips in sharp, almost artistic contrast and billowed outward in strange coils that became nothing more than a haze mere centimeters from the place of their birth. Smoke escaped all over, surrounding her in her own personal atmosphere and cutting her off from the outside world that seemed incapable of anything except further pain anyway. What did she care, she observed as the smoke twirled out her delicate nose, what did she _care _if it all went wrong, she'd made a promise to herself a long time ago that she wouldn't let herself get hurt again.

"Why… do you think…" Joey's normally cocky, self-assured voice trailed away quietly into the mist of the cigarette that had slowly spread over to where he was standing, just barely touching the convertible with two outstretched fingers, fearing anything more might damage the paint and earn him a shiner.

Mai turned to look at him so slowly he thought her cigarette would burn her hand before her eyes met his. It didn't and she looked as cool and collected as ever, spun-blonde waves fluttering almost imperceptibly with the movement. "Why what?"

He stared at the ground beneath his feet, asphalt rough with years of abuse under Winabegos and six inch heels and cheap beer upsetting various stomachs, his tennis shoes stood out almost starkly white against the degradation. "Why do you think it's so much easier for people to respect Yugi as a duelist and a person." He didn't say 'easier than it is for them to respect me', he didn't need to say it; he didn't want to say it.

Mai sighed and shook her hair out as she stared up into the stars as if they had the answer. "It's not what you do or how good you are at it, Joey, you gotta figure that out. Yugi… he's only a little guy, he's gentle and nice even to people that are trying to hurt him and I'll never understand that, how he can keep on like that after everything… But he's got this presence. He's got this amazing sense of knowing what he's all about, where he stands with everybody in his life that matters to him and he's… he's just so Goddamn strong. You know what I mean; strong?" She took a drag.

"Yeah, yeah I know what you mean." Joey was looking up at the stars too. "You're right, he is…"

"So what?" Mai's lovely, bright eyes- resting on him, asking him what more he wanted, what more was there to say than that. Why the fuck did he ask in the first place.

He put his hands in his pockets. "So, you think that's all there is to it?"

She kept looking at him, but his eyes were fixed on the stars even as his foot scuffed the dirty pavement, even as his mouth twitched a little as if he knew she was watching him. She scowled at him, knowing he couldn't see it and feeling more comfortable about it, "No. It's not all there is."

Silence ensued for long uncounted minutes and both wondered where the understanding rapport they'd seemed to find while they were driving had gone to and what they could do to bring it back.

Joey kicked at the pavement again, "What else is there."

Mai stomped out her cigarette, "Yugi has loved and been loved, is loved, does love. Makes you powerful."

His brow furrowed as the smell of smoke drifted away and the fresher scent of the pine trees only a few feet away became noticeable again. Lights and voices and the sound of drunken laughter washed over them from the restaurant and it seemed a little too loud for something that was so distant. Joey rubbed his temples. "Who?"

Mai smiled, "Why so interested?" She examined her nails, smirking, "Who says I even meant that sort of love, anyway? You assume too much, Wheeler."

Joey stepped in closer to her and all of a sudden it was like they were alone in an endless sea of stars, nothing else again, no daydreams or distractions or friends back inside who were still eating, "I never assume nothin', Mai… Don't hurt so bad when you don't assume- does it?"

She wasn't comfortable with this, yet on a whole she was so damn relaxed she wasn't really sure anymore what she was comfortable with. "Joey… I think maybe I'm in danger of… liking you right now."

"But what are you assuming?"

She didn't miss his meaning and leapt seamlessly backward in the conversation- anything to prevent the discussion he seemed suddenly all-too eager to start. "Yugi is in love with the spirit, always has been, always will be no matter what he tells himself. It's okay because the spirit's in love with him, too. Imagine being with someone you care about that much in such a bizarrely intimate way all the time? They can't be separated or hide things from each other, it makes them really, really…strong."

He kissed her once, on the lips, making a great smear of ruby across her porcelain-fine cheek and catching her at her most off-guard, soft lips jammed briefly together and their moist imprint remaining long after he turned and ran away in a most uncharacteristic development. And she was left there standing with a crushed cigarette, a bright red smear, a head full of dizzying questions and eyes that remained stubbornly dry,

Even when she realized why she'd hated him so much.

Because she loved him.


End file.
